Yada Yada Yada

Accountability or not

I was going to start this blog post by mentioning how long it has been since I have been here but I guess that is obvious by looking at the dates of my posts.  I try to be as truthful as possible in my postings here because I want an honest record of my life and feelings to have for me and my children to go back and have.  I really let it all hang out here and do not hold back even the not so happy times.  There is one thing in my life that has been going on since August and I don't want to talk about it here.  AND that has kept me away for so long. 

It is a very positive thing and of course if I never mention it, no one would even know it is happening.  But it is there everyday for me and it is making me feel so positive and happy and not allowing myself to talk about it is almost like strangling my voice on anything else.  I also recently got into Facebook and loving finding so many old friends there but containing my daily thoughts/emotions/happenings to one status update sentence is very hard for this girl who suffers from talktomuchitis. 

Maybe one day I will feel comfortable to share but for now I am going to try and find a way to blog and share photos and stories of our lives without doing so.  I miss it  and I also find that I have not been taking as many photos as I ussually do.  I havent been scrapbooking as much because my Etsy Store is taking up a lot of my time.  Without these two outlets of recording our memories, many are getting lost.

Yesterday driving home from Church, I was blasting Shambala (by Three Dog Night) and Daniel was hanging his head out the window.  He said to me "This song really fits with today" and then "Now I know why dogs like this".  If I didnt write this down right now, I probably wouldnt remember it.  And I live for these little tidbits of our lives.  More than birthdays or big milestones or holidays, it is the everyday bits and pieces of our life that I want to remember. 

 This is what we have been up to: SNOW, SNOW, SNOW and then some more SNOW.  My stepson, Christopher, had his car slide into the ditch between our drive way and our neighbors.  He was backing out on a sheet of ice and the back of his truck just slid sideways and dragged the truck into the ditch.  After a few days of trying to get it out, we got AAA to pull him out. 

 

We have had many snow days and the boys were overjoyed.  Margaret spends a lot of her time in their room when they are home. She plays Daniel's old DS while the boys play thiers: 

Ahhh, how sweet they are.  I am sure a wrestling match broke out shortly after I snapped this photo.

 

The Spring thaw started here on Saturday.  Margaret at least got dressed, TT is still in his pajamas.  About an hour later all this snow was gone.

 

TT and Margaret 'bird' watching.  We sat outside a good portion of Saturday, as has become our tradition when the days first warm up.

Daniel took a break from writing his rough draft of his first big research project and joined us outside in the snow/mud/wet grass.  Good place to play basketball - not.

  I started raking back some leaves because I saw that one of my new flowers started to pop up through the dirt and I found a worm in the wet leaves.  Too  bad I said out loud 'LOOK a worm' because for the rest of the day, Margaret, kept running away from the grass because she was afraid of worms and would only go onto it when escorted by a brother.

 

Margaret got her haircut into a cut bob at the end of Feburary (no photos were taken - sad face).  I bought myself an Ipod touch to hold me over until At&t allows me to renew my contract in May and I can get the Iphone (shivers!!!) and Margaret is loving all the apps on my Ipod.  She has taken it over and I have to beg to get it back.

 

Legos have taken over our home and children.  Buy stock in the Lego company - I bet we will make you rich.

Spell check is not working on typepad right now -- so I am hitting submit knowing full well that there is probably spelling errors.  So sorry!

I'm boring

OR I have too much going on to get to the computer to update my blog. Possibly it is somwhere in the middle of both. Today is the last day of October and the leaves are almost all down off their branches and the cold temperatures have definitely taken over and leave their mark in the form of frost every morning. Thank goodness for seat warmers in cars, what did I ever do without them before? Froze my butt off, that's what. 

Before the leaves fell and the cold came we managed to get to Squantz Pond, a local State park, which is about 5 minutes from our house and my husband's friend Chris is the Park Ranger of.  The foliage was perfect the day we went and we had fun picnicking on the beach and then taking a short hike with the kids.

I think I have my Christmas card photo.

Or this one? 

Daddy and his girl.

Daddy and all of our children.

We all made it to the top! 

Margaret's school had it's annual Harvest Fair and since I am her class room Mom we had to make a scarecrow which got all the kids involved to display for the fair.  My very first scarecrow:

I think it came out cute.  The clothes are from the town thrift store (including the hat).  I traced the kids hands and sewed them onto the clothes and I cut the bird for the hat and sew it on with some flowers.  We picked up some orange yarn for the hair and braided wire into the pigtails so they would stand up ala pippi longstocking.  I tried to make the face not scary since Margaret is afraid of scarecrows and most things Halloween related.  I die cut scallop circles and folded them over for the eyes and cut pink circles for the cheeks and free hand cut the mouth.  I used my sticklers for the kids names and stuffed it with baggies stuffed with paper and felt to withstand the elements.  My scarecrow is still standing in the school field and most of the other "taller' ones have drooped over from the rain and wind we just had. 

Daniel and Margaret doing the Cake Walk at the fair.  Margaret won and picked out a tray of cupcakes. The two boys right behind Daniel are Rit and his twin brother Thomas.  The lived across the street until recently and visit every other weekend.  Daniel and Rit (orange shirt) are like the real twins.  The are thick as thieves and so much alike it is very scary.  They look more alike then Rit's real twin, Thomas.  He is such a good kid, I love having him come over.  Stephen and Margaret really like him too and Margaret will throw her arm in the air and yell "yes" when she finds out he is coming over. 

Margaret got a Kitty face at the fair.  It was rubbed off less than 20 minutes later after she had a little drama attack and her crying and need to rub her face all over me wiped it off. 

My son Stephen demonstrating the evils of over indulging in alcohol.  Actually it is his Halloween costume -- a hobo.  I used my Stampin' Up stamping wheel to make him all dirty.  He didn't wear his wig to school and I had to beg him to wear it for at least one photo.

He took it right off and that was it for that part of his costume.

Daniel has the same wig for his costume but he is a pirate.  He wore the wig for almost all the trick or treating and I bet it helped keep his head warm because after the sun went down it got cold.

Daddy said, Margaret you are a princess pirate.' Margaret replies, No Daddy, I am a Pirate Princess.'  don't touch her hat - she will yell at you.  Eventually we had to take it off and Daddy wore it because she kept squeezing her way between kids to get to the candy at each house and it got pushed back further and further.  My battery died in my camera or a picture of Daddy wearing it would be inserted here. 

the awesome threesome.

And I will end this blog post with a fish tale:

Taking advantage of a day off from work and a beautiful day to catch a big mouth bass.  He usually throws them all back but he kept this one so his son, Christopher could eat it.  It did look bigger in real life than it does in this photo, oh well.  My husband does look handsome in this color, no? 

I die

New shows - out today on Itunes. 

If you like to laugh - you will love these shows. 

Back to life, back to reality, back to the here and now

I have been living in my carefree summer time world - no schedules, sleeping late, staying up late, beers around the campfire, took up smoking again, napping in the afternoon, slacking on my store, slacking on cleaning and all that kinda stuff.  Oh, the smoking thing - I quit again already.  I took up smoking again after quitting over 10 years ago and smoked for almost the entire summer but quit again in August.  Now I can go back to abusing my husband over his smoking habit.  Good times, good times.

They kid lets are all back to school. Stephen, now a 7th grader, was up and out first and look at how awake and bright he is:

He could not sleep the night before and he was still awake at around 2am.  He is just like me the poor baby but I have developed some strategies that help me sleep after years and years of suffering the occasional insomnia.  I try to help him fall asleep and most of the help he wants requires me to be with him either in his room or mine and then we both do not get sleep.  Eventually it comes and he got about 4 hours asleep the night before school started.

We got a little smile out of him.  He did go to bed very early this night and got a good nights sleep with no problems.  We have discovered that he cannot play video games, go on the computer or watch TV for an hour before bedtime.  We have realized that when he does participate in these activities before bedtime, those nights he cannot fall asleep.  He realizes it too and happily agrees to our suggestions of sitting quietly and reading an hour before bed if not longer.  His Dad breaks this rule sometimes and let him stay up to watch a movie the night before school started.  Guess who was snoring in his bed while I was awake with a crying Stephen when he couldn't fall asleep?

Daniel, the 4th grader, was off second.  He is so easy most of the time.  He sleeps with no problem, he entertains himself most of the time, makes friends easily and can go by some days without ever having to discipline him or really 'deal' with him in anyway.  Which is a bad thing because I feel he gets lost in the sauce as it were because of M's medical stuff and S's adhd and Daniel is just left floating out there.  I have been making a real effort to change this.  We have been spending so much more time together and last night while I was helping him with a school project he mentioned something to me that reassured me that I was on the right track.  He said "me and you have been having so many conversations lately Mom." How can one sentence break your heart and make you happy at the same time?

Margaret, who is still in the Early Intervention Center (pre-school), started school two days after the boys.  She was very happy to go back and asked me often over the summer months how many days until school started.  Including her there is a total of 5 girls in her class this year and she is ecstatic over that.  She is in the same classroom as last year, her best friend, Guilianna, is returning and her teacher, Mrs. Garvey, will be back after leaving in May to have a baby.  Margaret picked out her shoes for today and I had to make the outfit around the shoes.  I didn't buy any 'back to school' clothes for any of the kids.  I am really going to make an effort to use what we have until it is stained or ripped or doesn't fit anymore.

All in all, I would say this past summer was really awesome.  I am sad to see it go especially since the leaves started turning mid August and I know that winter will be here soon enough.  I HATE winter.  BUT I am not going to focus on the coming winter, I am going to focus on the beautiful weather we are still having, the green that is left for now, the ability to sit outside on the deck and the lovely night breezes that come through my open window at night.  I have plans for some outdoor activities so we can enjoy the fresh air and nature while we can. 

Usually in September I have a sense of starting anew.  This year I do not feel that pull to make goals and plans for my success at tackling a busy life.  This year I am already heading in the right direction and instead of making goals for now I am just moving forward everyday.  Everyday I am taking steps in the direction that I want to be.  I just feel like NOW is my time and I am going to shine in all aspects of my life - especially in my role as a Mother and in my relationship with myself.  Good times, good times and I mean that literally.

Back home

We arrived back home on Saturday in the late afternoon.  We had to get up early and pack and then clean the house we rented.  It went pretty smoothly, more smoothly than I would have imagined.  The kids were great helpers as in helping us to be able to clean and pack by staying out of the way and keeping themselves amused and not by actually helping us pack or clean.  Fine with us.  We bid our goodbyes to the owners of the home we stayed in and returned our bicycle rentals and started the trip back to our blue house back in CT. 

Cape May, NJ has to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever been too -- probably THE most beautiful.  CAPE MAY is an national historical landmark and has to be the number reason to even enter the Garden State.  Filled with gorgeous Victorian houses and beautiful white sandy beaches it is a perfect family destination as well as a romantic couple getaway location.  The ferry is right there to take you over to Delaware or you can drive about 20 minutes to the boardwalks of Wildwood for rides and games and Morey's Piers. 

We went to the beach for 6 days in a row.  The kids protested a bit towards the end but even after we dragged bribed two adults made the decision to go, they all had so much fun once we arrived.  We biked to the beach everyday and lugged our set up down to the waters edges and laid our perfect little spread of beach paraphernalia out, we sat and watched the kids or the dolphins or the waves or the people and basically just relaxed.  I cannot even remember the last time I just sat and did nothing like reading or sewing or listening to my ipod or surfing the Internet or watching TV -- I just sat.  It was like a spiritual awakening.

We are at the stage where there are no diapers to change, no babies to hand feed, no strollers to lug, no portacribs to set up, no bottles to bring and no persons who without your total attention are moments away from a horrible accident or maybe eating some sand. So I guess maybe I am romanticizing this past week we spent in paradise but please sign me up for another week or two or twenty.

Capturing Cape May

Trying for one of those alliteration type titles like Harry's Hurricane or Charlie's Chips that are so very reminiscent of many many restaurants, bars and stores here in Cape May, NJ.  EXIT ZERO BABY!  The furthest southern point of the state -- beautiful sunsets and gorgeous beaches abound here and we are lucky enough to be spending a whole week here.

We are having the most awesome beach weather so far this week.  We are here from Saturday to Saturday and everyday has been perfect.  Not to humid and lots of blue skies and warm temps.  We are riding our bikes to the beach everyday and spending hours right at the waters edge -- or as close to it as you can get without having your chair sink down into the sand with the tides help.  The kids are having a ball -- Daniel is in the water all day, Stephen is in and out of the water with some breaks to play with Margaret in the sand and to read his book or listen to David Sederis on my Ipod.  Margaret will only go into the water with either Daddy or I and then we just stand ankle deep and let our feet get buried in the sand.

Margaret has been so very excited to come to CAPE MAY even though she had no idea what it was.  We have been telling her for a few weeks that we were going and she was just excited to be going anywhere -- the girl is a dirty stay out.  She will go anywhere you take her to just as long as it is not the 'blue house' which is our home.  On the way here she told us 'I smell Cape May' and I am sure Cape May has a smell, perhaps the smell of suntan lotion and fish, but we were much to far away for even those lovely scents to be filling her nose.

Daniel fell within the first few hours we were here.  He took a header over his handlebars on his bike and is still limping three days later.  He has the worse black and blues that I have ever seen and his cuts are huge on his knee and elbow.  The poor boy got a bad sunburn on his neck as well - so really we cannot touch the kid anywhere on his body without him being in pain.  He is so stinking cute in the water though -- all you see all day is his head bobbing in and out over the waves.  He hardly comes out and that is how he got such a bad sunburn -- now we are forcing him to come out and get a reapplication of sunblock.

Stephen is being so helpful and grown up.  I don't know if he is just realizing how much easier life is if we work as a team here or if he just wants some extra quarters for the arcade.  Anyway -- I will take it.  He is being so helpful with Margaret and carrying stuff down to the beach and back.  He loves playing with Margaret and will fetch her buckets of water or dig holes for her or help her bury my feet.  He will keep his eye on when I ask him too and is always, always making sure she is safe and sound.

Daddy and I are having fun too.  We are getting alone very well so far (knock wood) and really working great together.  Usually we work separate of each other to accomplish almost the same tasks and we always get into arguments or at the very least steam quietly at each other.  We got to stand arm in arm together tonight and watch the water and the sun going down over the horizon.  We laughed and joked and kissed!  Imagine that!   The kids were all busy eating chips in the beach chairs to be bothered with us.  He is listening to the Yankee Game in the car while I am inside typing this and 'watching' Indian Jones with the boys (Margaret is asleep). 

So I must get back to my vacation.  Big things are happening when we get home and I want to enjoy every minute here in fantasy land.

You can't play fetch with a goldfish

Yup, it's true.  If you throw a ball to one, it will just make a splash and then float on the top.  The fish will hardly glance at it and just keep swimming.  I realized this while watching Harold and the Purple Crayon this morning and for some reason this fact seems so profound to me. 

Lack of sleep?  Possibly.  Gone completely bonkers? Maybe.  Too much children's programming? Definitely.   I guess after 10 plus years of Blues Clues, Veggie Tales and many other assorted programs my mind has developed the keen ability to gleam deep and life changing metaphors from between the animation and alphabets. 

I did miss portions of this particular Harold episode because the only reason I was up at all and watching it because my darling daughter woke me up with her orders "I want you to lay out my blankies, make me a baba, put on HBO on Demand and stay up with me."  And she added "Do that lots and lots of days.  OK, Mommy?"  So I was pretending to watch it with my eyes half closed and would only open my eyes all the way when Margaret pointed out something to me, so my retelling of the story line might be off.

The gist is that Harold draws a castle and a dog and then the dog messes up the castle so he draws a fish in a bowl.  He throws his ball to the fish and it just plops and the fish keeps swimming with nary a glance at the ball.  Harold frowns and I guess draws something else with his purple crayon but I dozed closed my eyes half way again with the image of the ball in the fishbowl behind my eyelids and my brain was drawing all sorts of parallels between the goldfish and life.

If my kids are mad that someone is not playing the way they want them too or not doing what they want them to do, I will tell them "You can't play fetch with a goldfish".  Meaning a goldfish is not a dog and you cant make it a dog with any amount of arguing or being upset or mad at it, so stop yelling at your brother and play something else or play by yourself.

If I get stuck in horrendous traffic and I am late to an important appointment and I feel my anger rising, I will tell myself "You can't play fetch with a goldfish".  Meaning a goldfish can't fetch and no one knows why this fish was made without this ability, it is what it is and I am already in the traffic jam so I should just turn up my radio and deal.   

If my husband starts to annoy me with his anal need to have the toilet paper facing the correct way, I will whisper softly to myself "You can't play fetch with a goldfish". Meaning the goldfish is perfectly content even when his water is disturbed and just keeps swimming without missing a beat so I will say "yes dear" to him and not let his anal traits disturb my flow and keep my mouth shut about how much I don't care about which way the toilet paper goes to be concerned with even remembering which way YOU like it. 

If my feet hurt wearing my new strappy sandals, I can remind myself "You can't play fetch with a goldfish".    Meaning that if you wanted a pet that played catch, you should have gotten a dog and if I wanted comfortable shoes, I should have bought them.

See how many possible situations you can use this statement?  It will now replace my old standby "these pretzels are making me thirsty" from a Seinfeld episode.  Although I can see using that one when I am really really mad --- like when I lock my keys in my car or something.

Anyway - just some insight to how my brain is working on this Sunday morning.  Afterall, you can't play fetch with a goldfish.  (meaning: the goldfish has no control over someone throwing the ball in his calm water and making all sorts of ripples and currents as I have no control over the way my brain takes in and processes information, I just keep swimming.)

Photos from our Summer Vacation so far:

The kids discover that you really can have fun with almost anything including a dog cage.

Child labor -- Margaret, Stephen and Corrina (insert cupids arrows, floating hearts and angels on clouds playing violins), helping me inventory my felt.  I did pay them with new Nerf Guns and refill darts.

Right before Summer Vacation started, Daniel attended the annual "My and my Shadow" cub scout overnight camp out.  Although heavy rains and winds made the boy and his shadow come home about 10 pm instead of sleeping in the elements.

The Nerf Wars that took place after the purchase of the Nerf guns by me.  Nice to see those old science projects get some additional use.  The might become signs for the lemonade stand that the boys have been helping the neighbor boys with. 

The Pink Princess is pretty darn tough and bold during the Nerf War, choosing to forgo a shield and stand out in the open and shoot.

oh my, how did this slip in?  Oh well, you cant play fetch with a goldfish. (for bonus points -  figure out how I intend that in this context)

being lady like, cute tinies, recorder concerts and ADD

Margaret had an appointment with her geneticist, who is notoriously late all the time.  So much so that we are told that we don't have to be on time for our appointment.  We waited almost TWO hours in the doctors office for him to arrive.  Lots of time for mischief to happen in a room that had only a table and two chairs and a window and a door.

I like to dress Margaret in clothes that very easily come off and go back on when we go to the doctor and by easily, I mean that I am able to dress and undress her while she is screaming and trying to get away from me.  Today she had on a denim shirt dress that closed by snaps in the front.  This dress became her obsession, especially after she saw how easy it was to open and close snaps.  After a while she grew tired of snapping and decided that she like wearing the dress open.  I am one to pick my battles so I let her wait out the doctor with her dress open.

I did mention that she would have to close her dress when we left and she of course asked 'why'.  I told her that she cant walk around with her dress open and I got another 'why'.  I told her that everyone would see her underwear and her 'boobies' (as she calls them) and I got another 'why'.  I said that boobies are private and you can't just show them to everyone and she said 'why'.  After a few more reasons and a few more 'whys' I said "it is not very lady like" and she said 'well, I like it." 

And I decided that I couldn't argue with that logic and decided to drop the subject. Then after we finally got to see the doctor and she worked herself into hysterics, I just dressed her and snapped her dress and she didn't even notice.

Brother Love rocks!  I ordered a shirt and when it came in the mail, Margaret was screaming look what brother love sent me!!!!!!!!!!!'  She has taken ownership of the shirt and posed for photos saying brother love rocks OWWWW!'

This is the girl during summer 2006 wearing her bikini.  The girl is still so tiny that this bathing suit still fits her -- although it fits her just right now.  She was wearing the top yesterday and saying 'this is my cute tini and it covers my tiny boobies'. 

Daniel had his 3rd grade recorder concert last week.  He has taken this very seriously, practicing all the time and even writing his own music.  BUT he never looses that wacky sense of humor and the need to laugh and make people laugh and it looks like his friend, RJ, is just like him. 

They take every lull in the program to ham it up.  I find it to be simply HIGHlarious but I am sure it wears on the teacher and I am surprised they let them stand together.   They were acting like mimes at the end of the concert - mimes trying to get out of a box.  I was cracking up but I didn't see anyone else enjoying their antics.  Boys are going to be boys - why not enjoy it?

Later on in the day, Daniel had a publishing party.  He took a book writing after school class and at the party they all read their stories (or part of their stories).  Daniel wrote and drew a graphic novel.  The audience laughed at the appropriate parts -- it is always nice when others find your children charming.

Oh and one more thing, I was diagnosed with ADD last week.  I was not shocked AT ALL. 

i was talking first, girls are bossy and potty talk

I was thinking about advice about marriage that I would pass down to my children and at the top of the list was this little tidbit:

Do not expect romance if your wife (or for Margaret  - you)  is the only only who cleans the bathroom. 

No one says 'not tonight honey' quicker than a woman holding a toilet bowl brush and a bottle of Lysol.  If you love your spouse - get someone else to clean the bathroom.  Luckily, I only have one bathroom (I never thought I would say that) but I have FOUR men folk using it.  Ick. 

Yesterday we took the kids out to eat for dinner.  It was more for us than them because on such a beautiful day - who wants to make dinner.  We had a pleasant time - everyone used their manners and used their 'inside' voices while we were inside (imagine that!).  On the way home everyone was all worked up and everyone (everyone meaning all three of my children) wanted to talk at the same time.  I was trying to listen to what everyone was saying but it gets hard.  Then the arguments break out between the boys and now Margaret was chiming in with "I was talking first!" Then we have to have 5 minutes of insanity in the car while they all are yelling "I WAS TALKING FIRST!!!!".

And i want to drive off the road into the lake.  I don't, of course, and just turn the music up a little louder and just laugh and smile and say 'ah ha' after I hear any child say something.  Eventually it gets worked out and we arrive home - sanity still in place.  Well, as close to in place as it ever was.

We are having some beautiful weather here in the Northeast.  Gorgeous blue skies and perfect temperatures.  The grass and trees are so green and their are spots of color here and there.  The kids have been spending much time outside and we all have been getting our lungs filled with wonderful and regenerating fresh air. 

In other big news - Stephen Ian has a little crush going on with a GIRL!  Her name is Corina and she is the cutest thing.  Tall, thin and long dirty blond hair.  Her Mom moved in across the road and we had them and some other friends over for a big campfire and fireworks on Sunday night.  The kids had a blast and after smores were made - left us grownups alone with the fire and some cocktails and we stayed up way too late and had way way too much fun. 

The next day we were invited across the road for a BBQ and the young romance grew as they spent the whole day together. Corina came over later to our house later in the day and she made Stephen help her clean his room and the living room!  They cleaned for two hours and Stephen is forcing Daniel to promise to keep it clean.  So she bossed him around and he liked it and did everything she says.  And he doesn't get mad when you say that she likes him -- he just shrugs.  Awwwwww, young love.

I had a revelation yesterday - girls are bossy and men usually allow themselves to be bossed.  I see how bossy I am with my husband, I see how bossy Margaret is with everyone, I see how Corina bossed Stephen and I recall all the comments over the years from my BIL's about how my sisters boss them. 

I guess it is the intensity of the bossing and the intention of the bossing that makes you a woman working with your natural inclinations or a b*tch.  I think I walk a fine line between the two -- and want to become less of a boss and more of the team. 

Now I am off to see how my husband is doing outside -- he is sealing our deck.  I want to make sure he doesn't miss any spots. wink wink

in the spirit of moving on

I don't want to erase but I don't want to dwell - so I am moving on.

Pictures from Kent Falls.  Supplies from Studio Calico, I joined last month. I haven't had much time to scrapbook as of late or even shop (believe it or not) so I signed up thinking I would get some stuff done because their gallery is very inspiring.

Miss M and her 'big boy' Christopher.

close up

my Daniel.

Listening to Eddie.  ">Evil Giraffes.

The boys.

Closeup -- some of these pages are from a Scrapologie kit from last year.  I had almost a whole years worth of kits that I never used and I brought them all to a weekend retreat plus photos and used them up.  Whatever I knew I would never use I gave away.  I use a lot of stuff and I gave a lot away too.

'Nuff Said.

The story of how Stephen Ian became TT.

First pigtails on the girl.

This movie has opened my eyes a bit more and I am looking at the candidates for president through the knowledge that this movie shared.

And that is all I have for now.  My allergies are kicking my butt and I am going to try to get to bed early tonight.  Not just try but do.