Yada Yada Yada

i was talking first, girls are bossy and potty talk

I was thinking about advice about marriage that I would pass down to my children and at the top of the list was this little tidbit:

Do not expect romance if your wife (or for Margaret  - you)  is the only only who cleans the bathroom. 

No one says 'not tonight honey' quicker than a woman holding a toilet bowl brush and a bottle of Lysol.  If you love your spouse - get someone else to clean the bathroom.  Luckily, I only have one bathroom (I never thought I would say that) but I have FOUR men folk using it.  Ick. 

Yesterday we took the kids out to eat for dinner.  It was more for us than them because on such a beautiful day - who wants to make dinner.  We had a pleasant time - everyone used their manners and used their 'inside' voices while we were inside (imagine that!).  On the way home everyone was all worked up and everyone (everyone meaning all three of my children) wanted to talk at the same time.  I was trying to listen to what everyone was saying but it gets hard.  Then the arguments break out between the boys and now Margaret was chiming in with "I was talking first!" Then we have to have 5 minutes of insanity in the car while they all are yelling "I WAS TALKING FIRST!!!!".

And i want to drive off the road into the lake.  I don't, of course, and just turn the music up a little louder and just laugh and smile and say 'ah ha' after I hear any child say something.  Eventually it gets worked out and we arrive home - sanity still in place.  Well, as close to in place as it ever was.

We are having some beautiful weather here in the Northeast.  Gorgeous blue skies and perfect temperatures.  The grass and trees are so green and their are spots of color here and there.  The kids have been spending much time outside and we all have been getting our lungs filled with wonderful and regenerating fresh air. 

In other big news - Stephen Ian has a little crush going on with a GIRL!  Her name is Corina and she is the cutest thing.  Tall, thin and long dirty blond hair.  Her Mom moved in across the road and we had them and some other friends over for a big campfire and fireworks on Sunday night.  The kids had a blast and after smores were made - left us grownups alone with the fire and some cocktails and we stayed up way too late and had way way too much fun. 

The next day we were invited across the road for a BBQ and the young romance grew as they spent the whole day together. Corina came over later to our house later in the day and she made Stephen help her clean his room and the living room!  They cleaned for two hours and Stephen is forcing Daniel to promise to keep it clean.  So she bossed him around and he liked it and did everything she says.  And he doesn't get mad when you say that she likes him -- he just shrugs.  Awwwwww, young love.

I had a revelation yesterday - girls are bossy and men usually allow themselves to be bossed.  I see how bossy I am with my husband, I see how bossy Margaret is with everyone, I see how Corina bossed Stephen and I recall all the comments over the years from my BIL's about how my sisters boss them. 

I guess it is the intensity of the bossing and the intention of the bossing that makes you a woman working with your natural inclinations or a b*tch.  I think I walk a fine line between the two -- and want to become less of a boss and more of the team. 

Now I am off to see how my husband is doing outside -- he is sealing our deck.  I want to make sure he doesn't miss any spots. wink wink

in the spirit of moving on

I don't want to erase but I don't want to dwell - so I am moving on.

Pictures from Kent Falls.  Supplies from Studio Calico, I joined last month. I haven't had much time to scrapbook as of late or even shop (believe it or not) so I signed up thinking I would get some stuff done because their gallery is very inspiring.

Miss M and her 'big boy' Christopher.

close up

my Daniel.

Listening to Eddie.  ">Evil Giraffes.

The boys.

Closeup -- some of these pages are from a Scrapologie kit from last year.  I had almost a whole years worth of kits that I never used and I brought them all to a weekend retreat plus photos and used them up.  Whatever I knew I would never use I gave away.  I use a lot of stuff and I gave a lot away too.

'Nuff Said.

The story of how Stephen Ian became TT.

First pigtails on the girl.

This movie has opened my eyes a bit more and I am looking at the candidates for president through the knowledge that this movie shared.

And that is all I have for now.  My allergies are kicking my butt and I am going to try to get to bed early tonight.  Not just try but do.

here lies a clever blog post title

I am feeling a little sappy right now.   I just watched "Knocked Up" and even though the movie was very implausible, the end when the baby is born made me cry.  Made me want another baby.  It is physically impossible for me to have another baby and I am not even sure if I would have one if i could have one but that sure got my emotions going. 

Then on the other hand, when the two guys were in Vegas and high on mushrooms was HIGHlarious.  Maybe if the movie would have ended with that scene, I would be crying tears of laughter now.  I know those days of little babies are over until one of my own babies give me grandchildren - you know in like 20 years or so.

Daniel flew up or graduated or moved up to be a Wolf in his cub scout troop this weekend.  The pack had a family picnic at the Squantz Pond, a state park in our town.  It was really a beautiful day and I really felt so much gratitude for where we live.  When we lived in NYC, Stephen Ian had kindergarten recess in the parking lot of his school - no grass, no playground equipment, nothing to keep them busy at all but the big huge lot of concrete.  Now we get to be surrounded by trees and grass and water and my goodness, it is like a painting or movie or something.  More sappy thoughts.

Check out what Daddy has hanging on his leg:

Doesn't Daddy look happy? If you look closely you can see a small bandage - he had surgery on his knee on Monday and he said Margaret was hanging on it.  I don't buy it - he always seems this grouchy. 

Margaret playing with her big brother, Christopher.  He is officially living with us now and I officially have not one moment of privacy or alone time. NOT one.  And it IS getting to me.

My sweet girl giving me a flower.  I get one almost everyday from her.  She loves to take a bleeding heart and give me one.  I just realized something - my boy always gave me 'flowers' when they were little and now Margaret is too. They don't give them to their Dad and I might have thought that a girl would give flowers to her Daddy but I get them.  That makes me feel really loved. (excuse the sap)

Margaret and my sister's dog, Ruby, on Mother's Day.  I embroidered the shirt she has on.  I am so proud of myself -my very first hand embroidered thing EVER.  I love it.

Best close up I could get:

I purchased Sublime Stitching and Doodle Stitching and used a pattern for the SWEET and then hand cut a heart and attached it to some fat quarter fabric that I had forever.  I sewed it onto a inexpensive shirt that I purchased at Target and VIOLA!  Next time I am going to fuse the applique to the shirt first and then add the stitches. 

I went on to purchase this pattern and this pattern and when i get some free time, I will make something with them.  I have been scouring the town thrift store for some clothes that I can 'repurpose'. 

I just had to add this -- for the people who know him.  This crazy guy is my BIL, Buzzy.  I was taking photos of the girls and he had to jump in and ham it up.  One day I will scan in the wedding photos that he sorta 'ruined' by hiking his pants up for the group shots.  HIGHlarious (now that is).

Oh and by the way - I know that Daniel's Cub Scouts group is a DEN not a troop and he didn't FLY up (that is the term when you go from a Brownie to a girl scout.   I am just practicing for when Margaret is in the Girl Scouts.

This photo just popped out at me while looking though my blog folder.  Margaret had RSV and was in the hospital when this photo was taken.  I breaks my heart in a few different ways.  We have been through so much in this marriage - I have always been the positive cheerleader of this union.  So much of what has happened has revolved around this girl and has changed me down to my core.  So much baggage and garbage from my past has fallen away and left me lighter and happier. 

It doesn't seem to be that way for him.  I guess it is different for men -- they want to fix things and she cant be fixed.  I wouldn't even ask for her to be fixed -- I would ask for her to be happy and healthy and successful and prosperous in life. He would fix her and take away what he sees as wrong and I see nothing WRONG.  I see her needs as something that has to be addressed and taken care of and we have to do things to improve her quality of life and her ability to adjust and adapt.  I take the cards I have been dealt and I do the best I can with them - he wants to throw his hand in and ask for new cards. 

He sees in his mind a chart of a successful man and goes through it checking off the things he has accomplished and is not happy for these things or not happy for very long.  The only thing he seems to be able to concentrate on are the things that he hasn't accomplished and goals that he thinks he should have met by now.  I see the things we do have and I feel such gratitude for them. I cannot think of one THING that I need to be a more successful person. Yes, sure, I wish we had at least one more bathroom, but i will never feel like a failure if we do not have it. 

I have my shortcomings and I always feel like I can improve in some areas of my life but I will never feel unhappy now while I am trying to attain these goals.  If I have a bad moment or day and loose my patience with my kids, I do take the time to apologize to them and I do make the effort and usually succeed in doing things differently and better the next time.  I avoid many many arguments by just accepting and not judging and not comparing.  And sometimes by just keeping my mouth shut. 

I feel tired of being the lone cheerleader.  For two days I have been feeling a bit depressed and I can see how me not being cheerful and talkative effects this family.  For two nights at dinner time - no one really spoke.  No one had any conversations to start or comments to make.  We ate in a diner last night -- nothing fancy and the kids were thrilled.  Daniel kept saying 'wow, this is a fancy restaurant diner and three of the kids were very polite to the waitress and ate their dinners and were very good.  I had a nice cup of diner coffee -- something about those white cups -- mmm, yum and when we were walking to the car my husband was complaining about how much it cost. 

I was trying to be positive - well we all like it, we had a nice time, you and Chris both got two things each and drinks, I thought it was yummy and stuff like that.  He commented again about the money and how we should have gone somewhere else.  I had it at that point -- I asked him (kinda shouted really) if he wanted me to throw the food up and give it back?  I think he was shocked.  "I'm just saying" he said, like I was crazy.  I got in the car and slammed my knee into the dashboard because my seat was closer to the steering wheel because he needed the room behind me for his knee. 

I didn't say anything about my knee but tears came right to my eyes, it hurt so bad.  My heart hurts too.  I wish I could perform some magic and make him see how good he has it.  And I am not even including myself in that good -- he needs to see how wonderful his life really is and I know I cant make him see. 

Oh boy - I didn't see this post going this way.  There is no resolution to this issue -- just a work in progress I guess.  I do remember how much I was in love with him when we met - crazy in love. It was love at second sight.  I never thought that we would be here now.  Together but separate.  A union but not a team. 

This movie tonight brought out so much of this -- I should have listened to my ipod instead!  I never thought a comedy movie would make me look at my life with so much drama.

added 5/19/08

upon further reflection:

I realized that my relationship with my husband has always been one of pessimist and optimist.  I loved him so much and wanted to make up for all the hurt he has had in his life.  I showered him with love and attention and he did the same for me.  We were awesome together but now our lives are more than just us two.  The biggest change in our relationship besides our children is me. 

Now it is time to practice what I preach and be proactive and work towards a solution - whatever that may be.

If you looked up the word 'interruption' in the dictionary . . .

You would see a diorama of my life.  My Mom came up to visit today and we had a few places we wanted to go to and Stephen (who is home 'sick' with bad allergies) and Margaret (who had 'a home day' today) were along for the ride.  My Mom and I talk about everything and we haven't had the chance to get together in about two weeks and we had lots to catch up on.  I felt like every time I started a sentence or had a thought, one and sometimes both of my beautiful offspring would interrupt my flow with some comment, request, demand (in Margaret's case) or questions. 

ARG!  FRUSTRATING!

All in all -- we did have a fabulous day.  We ate lunch at the Desert Moon Cafe, stopped at the pet store (where Margaret screeched at every amphibian's habitat), went the fabric store and then checked out a modular home.  The weather is just gorgeous here and it is hard not to be cheerful when you are surrounded by beautiful blue skies and warm breezy temps.

Lots of stuff is going on around here -- a couple of long distance doctor appointments last week, my husband is getting presurgery testing for his knee surgery next week, a started a sewing class, I started doing hand embroidery, I attended a NSD crop and the big big thing is my 240 pound 6 foot 4 stepson moved back home with us.  Him, his dog and ALL his belongings. 

Him, his dog and ALL of his belongings in our tiny 1400 square foot, one bathroom house.  He is currently sleeping on a captains bed in the boys room.  He has to sleep in the fetal position to even fit on the bed!  I am actually glad he is here -- even with the inconvenience with the whole no privacy ONE BATHROOM thing. 

Tonight we had a estimate and presentation from a salesman from the Owens Corning Basement Finishing System  and I think we might go ahead with this system. For now we would throw (not literally) Christopher down there and then eventually I would move my craft/etsy/scrapbooking stuff down there and the kids would have play room/video game room.  This would clear out the family room and we would make it into a proper mudroom SLASH quiet room for doing homework.   We would get 500 square feet of living space down there if we did it.  It is not cheap but not very expensive but I really like how it looked in person.  If we do it, we will become a showcase house and would allow our room to be visited by potential customers.  I hope it all works out and we go ahead with this.  By July we could be stretching ourselves across this new space!!!!!

I don't have any photos to share -- I need to get my camera out I guess but I do have my favorite LOLZ cats to share from ICANHAZCHEEZBURGER.  I get the best chuckles from this site. 

For the Lord of the Rings fans.   

anyhoo -- no cool way to end this post.  off to dream about 500 SQUARE FEET OF ADDITIONAL LIVING SPACE.  I might just move down there myself and just come upstairs to visit.